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Meet the Patels

1/26/2016

17 Comments

 

B-
2.83

An Indian-American man who is about to turn 30 gets help from his parents and extended family to start looking for a wife in the traditional Indian way.

Directed by Ravi and Geeta Patel

​Initial Review by Phil Crone

Picture
I have a friend at work with the last name Patel.  We’ve had lunch together, hung out on a couple weekends, and are familiar enough that if I ever leave my company, I think we’d stay in touch and still see each other a few times a year.  He’s early 30’s and single.  In short, his situation isn’t much different from Ravi’s.  

​.  Since he is from India, I’ve always liked asking questions about his culture whenever the opportunity comes up.  So I can say, after all the conversations I’ve had with him, everything in “Meet The Patels” wasn’t shocking and is entirely true, right down to my friend returning to India every year for about 4 weeks in December/January (I was not aware that it was “wedding season” there, but it makes a lot more sense now).
 
One of the things I’ve always asked my friend about was marriage.  He had very specific criteria; so specific, it made us laugh.  Playing the violin was on his list of “musts” for example.  Again, it seemed oddly specific at the time, but as I’ve gained more insight into the process of marriage in India, it doesn’t surprise me anymore.  Ravi Patel asks himself, and by extension the audience, whose system of courtship makes more sense: India or the Western world?  We ultimately find that the two have converged more than we would like to think.  Personally, I’m a fan of the concept of online dating.  If a person hasn’t met their partner by the end of college, the opportunity to meet someone organically has dwindled greatly given how much work is now done remotely and how many social opportunities have migrated to cyberspace.  At this point, there’s a good shot if someone meets their match when they’r over the age of 23, they’re going to meet them online, and the “new Indian system” looks like nothing more than your usual online dating with a little more parental oversight.  I always find it fascinating when cultures borrow ideas from each other to create something that seems to be “new.”  While it isn’t a focal point of the story here, it generates from the man plot and provides a fascinating look into how old ideas create new ones.
 
Ravi’s story is a much more personal one though.  He’s torn between a pretty common dilemma: should one marry for love and allow it to conquer all in the cultural aspect?  Or find a mate that fits into Ravi’s vision of his future being similar to his past?  Ravi has a deep connection to his Indian culture, something that Audrey did not and may not ever fit into, thus creating the inciting motivation for the movie.  I was happy I watched this with my wife, who still retains several vestiges of her Mexican heritage.  I really enjoyed the snippet where the interracial couple is interviewed regarding the compromises they had to make, and that stuff is true.  Even years later, both of us can’t help but feel like outsiders at family gatherings for the other.  Sure, the families don’t necessarily treat either of us as pariahs and assimilate us into things to the best of their abilities, but you still can’t help but feel like you’re in “foreign territory.”  There are those cultural differences we’ll just never understand about the other.  They can be as minute as the teasing I get when I hurriedly turn off yet another ranchero song or the mispronunciation of some obscure Spanish word, or as large as not understanding why I need to tell my grandma or aunt about something happening in my life or that a life’s worth isn’t counted by the number of offspring you usher into this world.  Cultures don’t necessarily need to be divided on race either.  I don’t know how many people I’ve heard have the baptism debate because one is Catholic and the other is Methodist. 
 
Now, Indian culture, that looks like a much tougher nut to crack than Mexican-American to me.  Ravi’s dilemma is very real thanks to how Indian culture is presented.  It’s all about large families obsessed with the idea of family.  Thanks to vestiges of the Caste system still permeating parts of India, who you marry trumps whatever feelings may or may not exist.  The Patels are portrayed as Indian aristocracy in that regard.  Unlike other royalty though, the Patels help each other out.  Whether it be first-class logging, maybe a great career opportunity, or finding a suitable mate, being born a Patel is like hitting the genetic Indian jackpot.  It’s easy to understand Ravi not wanting to jeopardize that.
 
We do at least end up with what appears to be a happy ending, as Ravi ultimately chooses Audrey and is able to have her at least accepted by his parents, which seems to be enough for him for now.  I’d be curious to see how that works out whenever he takes her back to India for the first time to meet the rest of the Patels.  Ravi’s story proves that even though cultures may dictate one thing, it is ultimately up to us to shape our personal culture.  The nucleus family all seems happy with how everything turned out, and while there’s a question about how the extended family will take it, I believe most people see past the surface and cultural differences when forced into a situation.  Just like online dating, we can get some pretty good ideas when cultures collide.
 
+ Interesting look at a world many of us are not exposed to
+ For first-time documentarians, Ravi and Geeta excellently create a narrative
- It’s pretty raw given, but that’s forgivable
- Animation interludes were a bit distracting
 
Grade: A-
17 Comments
Lane
1/26/2016 06:37:15 pm

About an hour and twenty minutes into the film, one of Ravi’s friends makes the comment at an Indian dating convention that “they’re white; they don’t get it.” Which is only partly true. In fact, the movie is really based on the premise that Ravi, as an Indian, also doesn’t really get it. Which, as it turns out in the world of dating, is a pretty universal sentiment. None of us really “get it.”

As immigrant stories go, Indian-American artists and stories seem to have found a comfortable, and not insubstantial, niche in American culture. Jhumpa Lahiri won a Pulitzer for “Interpreter of Maladies” (one of the parameters of the Pulitzer is that it tell a uniquely American story); Norah Jones (daughter of Ravi Shankar) adopted a pretty American sounding name as well as the quintessential American art of jazz, which earned her a few Grammy’s; and M. Night Shyamalan wasn’t just the best known Indian American director, but was, for a time, one of the best directors in Hollywood until he made some really, really terrible movies. There are plenty of other examples of Indian-Americans making good in American culture, but the important thing to note is that, while Indian culture might influence them as people, with a few exceptions, there is nothing quintessentially Indian about their art. In fact, maybe the most Indian film to hit American cinema might have been “Slumdog Millionaire” which was directed by an Englishman.

I think this cultural quirk also frames “Meet the Patels.” It’s an interesting look inside a somewhat insular culture, but as Phil's musings on online dating point out, I’m not sure there’s anything essentially Indian about what Ravi experiences as a late 20-something trying to date in a major metropolitan area, and it’s this that limits how interesting the film can really be. “Meet the Patels” proves that there’s a thin line between reality TV and documentary, and for a good 45 minutes of the film, I felt I was watching a poor man’s Indian version of “The Bachelor;” all the grueling technicalities of dating without any of the dramatic booze fueled emotionally nuclear payoff.

“Meet the Patels” is a film that tries to frame itself as an exploration of cultural dissidence, but really just comes off as somewhat sentimental and shallow. There’s nothing culturally unique about disappointing your parents or trying to hook up at a wedding. Yes, the fact that a person’s family is so involved in the mating process is unique, but it didn’t really drive enough of the story line. It wasn’t until the last twenty minutes, when Ravi finally admits the truth of his love for Audrey to his parents, that I was really engaged in the film. And of course, all of that is told in voice over and animation (which is kind’ve a cheap trick). The tension between Ravi and his parents finally drove some emotional weight into the film, but then, there’s no real follow through on the rapprochement between Audrey and Ravi. What should have been the most compelling relationship in the film is relegated to a few flashback montages and some disjointed phone and email conversations.

And finally, technically, the film was just difficult to watch. Ravi makes a joke about the poor the cinematography at the beginning of the film, and if you have to make a joke about how technically poor your film is, it might just mean you should have done something better.

And this is a shame, since Ravi and his family are genuinely interesting personalities, and I think a better filmmaker could have made a more compelling film. I’m reminded of Aziz Ansari’s take on generational shifts in “Master of None.” Ansari decided to make the story a self-deprecating one; he mocks his own Americanization and paints a truly compelling difference between his parents’ experience and his own. “Meet the Patels,” however, has a hard time being self aware enough of its own navel gazing to explore the real tensions that would have made a more interesting film.

Grade: C+

Reply
Bryan
1/26/2016 09:07:03 pm

The guy in Honduras is first to reply. We've reached a valley, or maybe a peak.

Reply
Bryan
1/26/2016 09:16:14 pm

I had heard an interview about 'Meet the Patels' somewhere on NPR. I badly wanted to see it. The opening of the movie talks about the awful film making and my heart sunk. This was going to be bad if you have to preface your mistakes. Could you imagine if modern movies had a bad CGI disclaimer even though they tried?

I emailed a close friend from India after the NPR spot to get a quick lowdown on Patel in general. Had I not done that, I might have gone a fraction of a grade higher. But my friend covered in 1 paragraph what this movie took 90 minutes to explain.

Ravi and his sister are fine, but they should not have been the focal point of the movie. Watching the parents network, pry, pray, and cook would have made for a better story.

I was moderately entertained by the mom and dad, but I thought this fell flat as a documentary. It would have made a much better podcast as none of the cinematography aided the story.

The absolute weirdest thing about the movie was playing Christmas music at seemingly every turn? If Ravi's sister decided that it's weird. If an American director decided that it seems kind of rude.

C, maybe C- after reading other reviews.

Reply
Admin
1/26/2016 09:17:06 pm

Spot for replies to Phil's opening review.

Reply
Bryan
1/26/2016 09:31:52 pm

I thought the animation worked for non video recorded material. Better than B reel footage.

Reply
Sean
1/27/2016 01:55:58 pm

I'm more in the Phil camp than the Bryan and Lane camp.

I thought Meet the Patels was very interesting and entertaining and I didn't care about bad camera work. I'll even be an apologist for the camera-work in that it made the viewing experience more voyeuristic and that I was experiencing with Ravi rather than watching. I could feel Ravi's emotional discomfort and shame he feels talking to his parents.

Highlight of the film for me was a whole 2 hours in with only a few minutes left when Ravi's father explains...
"The girl you get married, you will never know enough. Even after 35 years of marriage is still a discovery... after 35 years she's still trying to change me" This brief conversation put a sweeter, kinder, and more intimate description of love and marriage than any movie ever has and Ravi's father is glowing with his love for his family as he makes that comment.

A-

Reply
Drew
1/28/2016 12:39:21 pm

Meet the Patels was a lighthearted attempt at how an Americanized Indian allowed his parents to find his wife. It was really nothing more than that. There was great humor involved along with some nice cultural aspects but as someone who studied social science, the parental arrangement was not a shock to me. However, what caused reactions from me was the passive aggressive, and sometimes aggressive, nature of the parents, the hiding of Audrey, and the predictable end.

The passive aggression of parents did not surprise me. As a single guy, I completely understood what he endured. To be honest though, there is some hilarity in it all. When Ravi's father mentioned how he would receive his Social Security check but he would still be learning made me laugh out loud.

The frustration of his parents when they tried and nothing came to fruition bothered me. These were supposed to be the premier matchmakers and their son messed it up! Not exactly. His parents had a small understanding of American dating and it glared. It was, as if, they could not wrap their minds around the "chemistry" factor. That was because they got chemistry after they married. That is foreign to our dating system.

What bothered me the most was how he hid his girlfriend of two years from his parents. How could one truly pull off that? It boggled my mind then and still does. It baffled me because I have, and always had, an open relationship with my parents. I hide nothing from them. From women - and the things that go with it - to work and everything trivial in between. We grew into great friends, so it was incredibly painful how someone has the capability to hide a significant portion of one's life for two years. If a woman did that to me, she would get an ultimatum. Despite any cultural difference, a two year relationship warranted a parental meeting. Ravi deserved no pass and received none.

Finally, it was no surprise he ended up with Audrey. She was the reason none of his dates culminated into anything meaningful and in the back of his mind. They dated for a long time and if he truly wanted to move on, he needed to give himself more time. He succumbed to the trap of his past and that actually worked for him but was anyone surprised by this? After he introduced her, it was pretty clear.

Its overall feel was somewhat positive. Meet the Patels brought an interesting insight to a different style of dating. It had humor and frustration, which was an interesting combination. What I mentioned were its glaring shortcomings but all in all it was slightly above average for a documentary.

Grade: B-

Reply
Jon
1/28/2016 07:23:49 pm

Speaking as someone who does not share his life with his parents, it would be easy to hide a long-term girlfriend from them as long as the girlfriend didn't take it personally. I'll get my review up soon, but there won't be anything in it about judging Ravi for hiding Audrey from them. If Ravi's reading, I get it, man.

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Sean
1/28/2016 07:45:22 pm

I'm with Jon- I like my parents but prefer to rarely talk to them.

Drew
1/28/2016 08:15:38 pm

Hide someone that important for two years? It is ridiculous. Ravi, if you read this, you are coward.

Reply
Drew
1/28/2016 08:17:41 pm

*You are a coward.

I needed to correct that sentence.

Jon
1/28/2016 08:25:40 pm

It's hardly ridiculous, it's just a foreign concept to you. It makes perfect sense to me, in contrast to how sharing over much with my parents doesn't appeal, at all. I just don't have that kind of relationship, and have a difficult time imagining it. When I was rushing someone back at UE and they said something like, "My parents wouldn't want me to join a fraternity," my first impulse was always to think, "Who gives a shit what your parents think, legal adult?"

Drew
1/28/2016 09:06:52 pm

It matters little if it is foreign to me. If someone shares a significant portion of another's life, telling the parental units or children is necessary. I am not suggesting after six weeks of dating one must tell them but two years? Seriously? That's a long time to act like the person you're dating does not exist.

Sean
1/29/2016 09:55:47 am

That's the hardest part Drew- the lie through omission becomes worse the longer it goes and eventually you get to the point you hope you never have to bite the bullet and confess- probably a major contributing factor not mentioned as why Ravi broke up with Audrey in the first place. She asked if he had addressed his fear of commitment, part of that commitment is coming clean to his parents that he's not only dating a white girl but has been for 2 years.

Joe link
1/31/2016 01:11:46 pm

A couple things I have to disagree with you about. The first thing is that I didn't find his parents to be passive aggressive at all. In fact, I found myself appreciating how upfront and direct Ravi's parents were with him. At one of the more heated moments of the film Ravi's dad even states that Ravi remaining single makes him a huge loser.

The other thing I find odd is that you chastise Ravi for keeping his dating life with Audrey a secret from his parents. I guess I would question the motivation of feeling the desire to share such information with your parents, when it's clear that them knowing could jeopardize the relationship. Is it so odd that someone, in an attempt of self-preservation, to control his own life and decisions would leave his parents in the dark about his dating life? That not only seems rational, but also very common.

Reply
Jon
1/30/2016 12:39:45 am

Immigrant stories largely work on me. That draw towards America is probably my favorite thing about this country. I love that the whole world sees the physical entity of the US as a place of new beginnings and starting over and escaping history, and whether that vision is accurate or not, it does seem to exist. Frederick Jackson Turner’s famous essay on the draw of the frontier was one of the most impactful things I read while earning my history minor, and while the frontier is long gone, the draw hasn’t gone anywhere, instead spreading from Europe into the rest of the world. Meet the Patels is one particular version of an immigrant story, and as I’ve been discussing in the comments, it’s more about the principal’s conflict with his parents instead of adjusting to a new land and culture. That latter, more interesting aspect happened long ago, and the more navel-gaving, self-obsessed aspect of a second-generation immigrant is most of what’s left.

Ravi just isn’t a particularly interesting protagonist. There’s a part of this film that exists in an Electoral Dysfunction capacity, where it’s assuming I know nothing about a process that I know something about through movies, both fictional and nonfictional, and almost 8 years of sitting next to a woman who’s lived a similar life to Ravi’s mother. I’m not really learning anything from Meet the Patels, which isn’t integral to my appreciating a documentary, but it must then be entertaining and/or say something interesting about human life. The general cutesiness of the production and Ravi’s average level of charm and charisma keeps me at arm’s length from what he wants.

The part of Meet the Patels that I can get on board with is the stuff with the parents. They’ve been in the country for decades, but are still very much into Indian culture, and have to reconcile their vision of the future with what’s actually happening. I would imagine that our members with children have images in their head of some future in which their kids generally have lives that resemble the best parts of their own. The Patels certainly did, and it must be a constant thorn in their side. Ravi on date after date bored me; the Patel parents grappling with whether or not they could relinquish their mental picture of Ravi’s future was interesting and affecting. For all of Geeta Patel’s protestations about how she’s a director and not a cinematographer, she does have the foresight to leave her camera on her mother while she, in the backseat, stares at the back of her son’s head and mentally wrestles with what to say next. That’s a great moment of seeing someone’s thought process, and it’s significantly better than any cartoon interlude or dating montage.

Meet the Patels also leaves a lot of things out, as has been mentioned. Audrey plays a huge part in the film and is barely on camera. I think here, again, Ravi overestimates how charming he is in thinking he can carry the sections of the film where time with Audrey would’ve been better spent. They also skim over some casual racism in those dating sites, as the ideal pigment of skin is sought after. That’s a part of Indian culture I’m unfamiliar with, and as it related to the caste system, I wanted more of it. I’m glad I met the Patels, but I wish I could’ve steered the conversation towards what I wanted to talk about. C+

Reply
Shane
2/9/2016 04:35:19 pm

Tradition looms large
In a loving family
Funny but drags on

B-

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