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Apostle

10/28/2020

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C
​2.00

A man infiltrates an isolated cult to rescue his sister in turn-of-the-century Wales.

Directed by Gareth Evans
Starring Dan Stevens, Michael Sheen, and Lucy Boynton
Review by Jon Kissel

Picture
Welsh director Gareth Evans’ first three movies, Merantau and the two Raid movies, put him at or near the top of the list for martial arts filmmaking.  His work with Indonesian casts are sweaty, bone-crunching monuments to the brutality of feet, fists, and elbows crashing into an opponent, and they put most other action movies, martial arts or not, to shame.  They are also some of the most violent movies I’ve ever seen, particularly Raid 2.  Evans has moved on from Jakarta-set crime epics to period horror with Apostle, leaving behind almost all of the hand-to-hand combat but keeping the violence and gore.  Evans pays tribute to earlier movies about creepy British cults like The Wicker Man or Kill List while putting his own stamp on the subgenre with some eyelid-searing imagery and unique cinematography.  A more complex story than his earlier work slows Evans down and reveals the limits of his powers, but Apostle bolsters a director whose visual sense is impeccable even if he might need some help in the writer’s room.


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The Evil Dead

10/20/2020

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B-
​2.52

A weekend retreat at a cabin in the woods takes a dark turn when demons are summoned.

Directed by Sam Raimi
Starring Bruce Campbell, Becky Baker, and Ellen Sandweiss
​Review by Jon Kissel

Picture
​The tropes of horror movies have to come from somewhere, and it seems like a lot of them come from Sam Raimi’s micro-budget cult classic The Evil Dead.  Whether or not this is the first ‘cabin in the woods’ type film, it certainly isn’t the last.  The film warns its characters from taking certain actions, warnings that are duly ignored.  Behavior makes little to no sense, but as long as it leads to more violence and thrills, who cares.  There isn’t the repayment of sexuality with death and dismemberment exactly, though there is a gross scene of exploitation that even Raimi says he regrets.  As one of the titans of horror, Raimi is familiar enough with all these tropes that much of the rest of his career has been spent commenting on them, but the film that made his name is played as a straight-ahead, claustrophobic gorefest.  Future installments will send his giant-jawed protagonist back to the Middle Ages but Ash Williams’ introduction is your average tale of Sumerian ghosts and the bodies they inhabit, at least until they explode in a shower of creamed corn.


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2020 Mediocrities

10/14/2020

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Best Film

Black Swan
Marriage Story
Parasite
Seven Samurai -WINNER
The Thing
Best Performance

Adam Driver, Marriage Story
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Cristin Milioti, Palm Springs
Al Pacino, The Irishman
Natalie Portman, Black Swan - WINNER
Adam Sandler, Uncut Gems

Masturbating Kevin Memorial Award for Most Uncomfortable Moment

Frank calls Hoffa's widow, The Irishman
Manny shows off his divining rod to a little girl, Swiss Army Man - WINNER
Bathroom beating of Jesus, Under the Silver Lake
Interrogating Arthur Leigh Allen, Zodiac
Lakeside murder, Zodiac
Dingo Award for Best Pet

​
Robot dogs, Alita: Battle Angel
Dead kid's tarantula, El Camino
Jimmy, I'm Thinking of Ending Things
Bear, Midsommar - WINNER
Pack dogs, The Thing

Jon Kissel Monologue Award

Donut hole in a donut, Knives Out
Todd defines his veganism, Scott Pilgrim vs the World - WINNER
'You have part of my attention,' The Social Network - WINNER

'This is how I win,' Uncut Gems
Songwriter's lengthy career, Under the Silver Lake
JR Peters Scold Award

Dyson Ido, Alita: Battle Angel
Doc, Hamburger Hill
Peggy Sheeran, The Irishman - WINNER
Julie Powers, Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Erica, The Social Network

Tom Topper Artisanal Award

Bread and wine, The Irishman
Ice cream sundae, The Irishman
Vodka-soaked watermelon, The Irishman
Ram-don, Parasite - WINNER
Aqua velva, Zodiac
Joe Setnor Headstrong Award

Paul, Da 5 Bloods - WINNER
Charlie Barber, Marriage Story
Mark Zuckerberg, The Social Network
Howard Ratner, Uncut Gems - WINNER
Robert Graysmith, Zodiac

Ambulators Award for Physical Performance

Chadwick Boseman, Da 5 Bloods
Charles Bronson, Once Upon a Time in the West
Toshiro Mifune, Seven Samurai
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Daniel Radcliffe, Swiss Army Man - WINNER
​Shane Setnor Aggressive Accent Award

Daniel Craig, Knives Out - WINNER
Robert de Niro, The Untouchables
Julia Fox, Uncut Gems
Seth Rogen, An American Pickle
Dan Stevens, Eurovision Song Contest

Worst Movie

An American Pickle
Da 5 Bloods
Dark Places
Hamburger Hill
The Neon Demon - WINNER
Worst Performance

Will Ferrell, Eurovision Song Contest
Howie Long, Broken Arrow
Charlize Theron, Dark Places
Keean Thompson, Alita: Battle Angel
Paul Walker, The Skulls - WINNER

Bryan Hartman Watch More Musicals Award

Contestant sing-along, Eurovision Song Contest
Nightclub strut, Da 5 Bloods
Oklahoma dance sequence, I'm Thinking of Ending Things
Being Alive karaoke, Marriage Story
Maypole dance, Midsommar - WINNER
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